Odds and ends and trademarks galore

Lime Crush(tm). Interesting.

When I was a little boy (oh, so long ago!), Orange Crush(tm) was a staple. I didn't see Grape Crush(tm) til much later (that's what Nehi(tm) was for...). I've seen a few other flavors since. But Lime Crush(tm)? I was almost afraid to ask.

Not bad, actually. In fact, it joins a very limited (I can't actually think of another one just now) category that I actually look for: a non-caffeinated competitor to Mountain Dew(tm). I don't drink that stuff to stay awake, y'know. It just has more—substance, or something—than, say, 7-Up(tm) or Sprite(tm). And so does this.

One of the nice things about driving an eighteen-wheeler is variety. You're never sure what they'll sell in the next truck stop...

* * *

I'm in a different truck again this week. The oldest one I've had in a few months now.

I may like it better.

I mean, it doesn't use Ultra Low Sulfur Diesel fuel. Which means I can actually get fuel for it. The Company's Fuel Department has occasionally had to be a tiny bit creative in the recent past.

And it doesn't have the Wonderful New Environmentally Aware Pollution Control systems. Like the Particulate Filter system that burns extra fuel cleaning itself periodically (and was directly responsible for my involuntary Labor Day vacation last week).

And the cab electronics are downright primitive. Which means they work more than half the time.

What's not to like?

Oh, well. It's old enough to have its own problems, I guess. We'll see.

* * *

Speaking of modern technology...
I pulled into a customer's warehouse the other day, and the guard asked me to slide my tandems back.

I believe I've mentioned the weight distribution thing before, and how we move the trailer wheels back and forth to balance the load between tractor and trailer. Well, the way you do that is to lock the brakes on the trailer wheels, and then disconnect them from the trailer itself. This involves a mighty yank on a handle hidden under the back of the trailer. By thus straining your back, you retract a set of pins that, up until now, were locking together a set of sliding rails connecting the bed of the trailer with its wheels. Once they're retracted, you can use the tractor to shove the trailer back and forth until the wheels are where you want them. Then you pop that handle back into its slot, and the pins lock the trailer to the wheels again.

This is handy for us, but the customers often want the wheels all the way back. It cuts down on those charming incidents where a forklift drives off the dock and into the trailer and the trailer dips under the weight. Nothing like feeling the floor beneath you drop a foot while you're half on it and half off, don't y'know?

Dockworkers. No sense of humor.

But I try to be nice to the people who give me a job. So I strolled to the back of the trailer and reached under to give the handle a mighty yank.

No handle.

I spent a good five minutes (or so it seemed) looking all over the underside of that trailer. All I could find was an odd-looking thing that looked like a steel sewing spool in a steel frame. With air lines running to something back behind the sliders.

Could it be?

Cautiously I reached into the framework and fiddled. Eventually I hooked the ridge of the “spool” with two fingers and gently pulled.

With a soft hiss, the slider pins slid out of sight.

I blinked. And pushed the plunger back in.

Hiss. And the pins slid into place again.

Power sliders. Neat.

I pulled the plunger out again (Two fingers! Hey, I'm Superman!) and strolled back up to the cab. That's when I noticed the fence in front of me. I probably wouldn't run into it adjusting the tandems, but why take a chance? So I unlocked the trailer brakes and moved the whole semi back ten feet or so. Then I locked the trailer brakes and started to pull the trailer forward over its wheels.

Nothing moved.

This can be noisy if you're surprised enough. Fortunately I'm the cautious sort. The semi just quivered and complained as it tried to pull the Immovable Object. So I got out and headed back. I'd been in enough modern cars to suspect what the problem was.

Sure enough. The pins had quietly returned to the locked position.

After all, I had unlocked the trailer brakes. And pulling a trailer with the tandems free to slide is a Bad Thing.* So the trailer had thoughtfully saved me from myself.

Sigh.

* * *

Some time later I was on the Interstate, idly watching the traffic around me. Making a hobby out of a survival reflex can be a useful habit. And sometimes it brings you odd and interesting sights.

Like the guy on the Harley(tm), with handlebars taller than he was. Black t-shirt and BDU pants. Black pseudo-Nazi helmet. Cruising down the exit ramp toward the traffic backing up before the stoplight.

The bike was steering itself. The fellow on it was sitting back, his arms crossed in front of him, his head bowed in concentration.

Texting.

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*Really, it is—you can rip the wheels right off the trailer if things go just the right kind of wrong...