Night terrors

For the third time in this career, I have known lingering terror.

All three times, the source was the same. I had to drive all night.

The first time, my trainer made me do it. Part of the schooling, of course. But there I was, alone in the dark (he'd turned in, and was back there in the sleeper). Driving through the cold fog, with another cold fog in my brain. Seeing the vaguely huge white boulders loom out of the fog and hurtling through them--sure each time that I'd find them all too solid.

When I pulled into a rest area, my trainer poked his head out and remarked that he'd expected me to give up a while ago. I said I would've if I'd had a place to stop.

The second time I had a load I couldn't deliver on time if I slept through the night. No hallucinations that time--but driving though rush-hour traffic when your eyes won't focus on the car next to you can be just as bad.

And then there was today. Again, a load that (due to mixups at the customer) I could not deliver on time if I slept first. As with the other times, I was perfectly legal. I had been off duty the appropriate amount of time and everything. But for me, having enough rest doesn't help at 5am--not if I've driven all night.

Again focusing was a problem, though that wasn't as scary this time. I was on an open highway, and traffic was light.

But falling into a dream for one or two seconds, then jerking yourself back to awareness and, with desperate care, planting yourself firmly n the middle of the lane again--that's terrifying.

Realizing that your last thought had nothing to do with what is around you. Seeing the next thought drift away again, and jerking it back frantically. Deliberately shifting your posture, changing your breathing, anything to keep from lulling yourself into slumber--only to find that each new rhythm is a new road back into the dream...

I started hitting every rest stop I passed. A quick walk would help a little. A snack would help more--elevating the blood sugar is not to be despised. But I was very glad to find the pace I'd chosen for my break.

And I took precautions. Tomorrow starts tomorrow, not tonight. They can't pay me enough to do that twice in a week.

Suddenly the drug problem becomes a bit easier to understand...