Don't drive in overalls

(warning--long)
When on the road, my PJ's are sweatpants and a sweatshirt.* El cheapo gymwear. That way I can walk across a parking lot at 2 am without fumbling for something to cover up with.

Tonight I changed early. I was in a mood to forget my day wear.

I had a pair of bib overalls at home. I wear them to work outside--it's nice not having a waistband digging in. It occurred to me, that would be even nicer sitting down. So I decided to try them on the road this week.

Mistake. For me, anyway.

The waistband isn't there to dig in, no. But bending over--or sitting down--means your back gets longer, while the outfit's back doesn't. Can you say "wedgie"?

I knew about this. Coveralls are worse. That may be why I thought the farmer suit wouldn't be a problem. Live and learn.

And then there was the wallet.

Sitting on a wallet is no fun, when you're doing it all day. So I don't carry mine in my hip pocket any more.**

That, by the way, is why the stereotypical trucker has one of those big wallets chained to his belt. When he's walking around, it's in whatever pocket he prefers. When he's in the truck, he tosses it on the floor. The chain means he can always find it.

Me, I just keep a standard wallet in a front pocket. If the pants aren't tight it's comfy enough. And I'm not into tight clothes.

My overalls aren't tight. But when I'm sitting down, the cloth gets pulled snug over the legs. Sigh. So I moved the wallet to one of those handy pockets on the bib. It was quite comfy there. Maybe too much so.

See, there's another thing about overalls. It involves restrooms.

You pull into the first rest area you've seen for an hour or two. You've been looking for one at least that long. So you hurry (oh, yes!) through the door beneath that most beautiful of signs (being careful to choose the one most beautiful to you). You find a stall whose door is blessedly open, check (quickly!) for the other important things.

And then you go through a ritual noticeably more complex than the usual "slip the buckle and reach for the snap." It involves two fasteners at the shoulders and one or more buttons at the hip, and it takes up extra seconds you really aren't sure you have. That by itself is almost enough to disqualify bib overalls as trucker wear.

But we were talking about wallets.

You see, when you are, um, dealing with the emergency, the "bib" part of the outfit is hanging in front of you. And all those handy chest pockets are upside down. They're all zippered and snapped, of course. If you zipped the zippers and snapped the snaps.

If you didn't--

--well, you might be so, ah, relieved that the emergency is past, that you don't notice a problem until some time later. At the end of the day, for instance. A hundred or two miles from the last place you stopped.

Have I mentioned that driving a commercial vehicle without an appropriate license in your possession is a SERIOUS offense?

So here I am, at a rest area, a hundred or two miles from the nearest terminal. Waiting for morning, when the company and I will try to work out how to get the load to the customer, and the truck to someplace suitable, and me to someplace where I can get legal again.

I'm in my PJ's. As I said earlier.

I still like overalls. But I think I'll save them for home time from now on.

I know I've got some khaki's in that suitcase...
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*T-shirt and running shorts in the summer. And you really wanted to know that, didn't you?

**This makes my wife happy. She says that makes it harder on pickpockets.