TYTFG* #6: Company

It's been a slow day. I slept through most of it.

Sunday is the usual "nothing day" on this job, but not always. And I suppose right after Christmas is going to be a little odd in any case. But for whatever reason, I delivered a load last night and I don't have another load until Sunday afternoon. Not good for business, but not too terribly bad for sitting and thinking.

This morning the driver "next door" wanted to know if I was about to get breakfast. I told him I was too broke and we both laughed a little. Then we compared notes and I found he might be broker than I was. (Scary, that.) Between the holidays and truck problems, he was really short on miles.

And even so, he suggested I have breakfast on him.

I told him I had food in the truck, and we parted amiably, he to the restaurant and I to my bed again**. A good ten minutes went by before it occurred to me--maybe he just wanted someone to talk to. And thought spending part of his last five dollars in pocket money on a stranger's breakfast would be worth it.

That's happened to me before. Twice, in the last few months. Once a gentleman told me that he'd ordered too much and the rest would be thrown away if I didn't help out. The other time someone flat told me he'd like to talk, and he'd buy me coffee so the waitress wouldn't feel put-upon. Both times we sat and talked about anything and everything for an hour or more, before the other fellow had to get back in his truck and go on.

And I still didn't pick up on it this time. I'm kind of ashamed.

I should have gotten it a lot sooner. And of course I have, intellectually. I've heard the songs. I've seen the bull sessions that pop up at truck stops among total strangers. And similar ones on the CB, that last for as long as the trucks involved are within range. As I said above, I've even had people bribe me to talk to them. But until this morning I hadn't realized what all that implied.

I'm solitary by nature. I like having time to stare at walls or out windows. To me, time alone is time to think, and before this job I often didn't get enough of it. If there are people to talk to, I'll talk to them. And enjoy it. But I'm not as social a creature as a lot of the people I know.

For a lot of my life, that's been a liability. I never really understood pep rallies in high school. And I was never up on the latest gossip. The old office grapevine always passed me by. Et cetera.

In this job it may well be an advantage. Sheer loneliness isn't something that gets to me often. And it seems to be an occupational hazard out here. Not a huge insight. And it's kind of scary that I didn't really see it until now.

I wish I'd caught on a little sooner. I still wouldn't have let the guy buy me breakfast. But I could have bought a cup of coffee.

I think I'll try calling my wife now.
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*Things You Took For Granted

**I'd come up to the cab for a moment, for some reason I no longer remember--no, he didn't beat on the door or anything.