Outta my way!

One of the harder things I've had to learn is to be as "rude" as a trucker is supposed to be.

Have you ever tried to merge onto an interstate and discovered that the truck in the right lane just ignored you? Sure you have. And what did you say about him? Probably the same things I did, with certain embellishments I usually don't use.

Well, one of the first things I was taught once they let me actually drive a truck was NEVER to slow down and let someone in. It makes more sense than you might think.

Here are two of the basic facts about eighteen-wheelers that everyone who drives them--or drives around them--needs to remember*:

1. They take forever to slow down.

2. They take even longer to speed up again.

So anything that makes you slow down is a Bad Thing. If the traffic's heavy, you've just slowed down your entire lane for the foreseeable future. If not, you've still created a hazard that lasts until you get back up to speed.

If you can, you move over. It's easier to change lanes than it is to change speeds. But if you can't change lanes, your best bet is to stay exactly where you are. The four-wheeler has better brakes and a bigger engine (compared to its weight, anyhow). It can slow down better and speed up better. So just sit there and be predictable. Don't mess up his plans by changing something at the last minute.

That's what they taught me. It didn't really stick, I'm afraid. I still try to politely slow down sometimes, as if I were still in something that could get back up to sixty in four seconds. But twice in the last two days, I tried to slow down and let someone by. And both times the poor driver was busy slowing down to keep from getting run over. And since I was slowing down too, he couldn't get behind me.

By the time I had a rush of brains to the head and put the hammer down again, he was almost out of entrance ramp and we were both below forty.

So I guess I'll try to be rude again. Sigh.

*I don't know yet how many there are. I suspect it's gonna be a long list...